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Master these 3 social skills to succeed at work, says Ivy League psychologist
When it comes to the workplace, “just be yourself” is bad advice, according to psychologist Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic.
Authenticity is often touted as a desirable trait, says Chamorro-Premuzic, who is a professor of business psychology at Columbia University, but if you’re hoping to boost your career, you’re better off mastering skills like tact and self-control.
Having high emotional intelligence, which Chamorro-Premuzic defines as “the ability to understand and manage yourself and others,” is a “fundamental currency” in the workplace, he says.
“It makes you more employable, and it makes you more rewarding to deal with,” he says.
People who are successful at work know how to blend “social skills, empathy and attention to others’ perception,” as Chamorro-Premuzic says in his latest book “Don’t Be Yourself: Why Authenticity Is Overrated (and What to Do Instead),” published on Oct. 7.
According to Chamorro-Premuzic, these are the top three social skills everyone should practice in the workplace. or building social connections and growing your career.
1. Being receptive to feedback
The most successful people Chamorro-Premuzic knows “solicit honest, critical feedback from others, particularly those who are in a position to judge what you do, and who are comfortable enough to tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear,” he says.
Most people are primed to offer positive feedback, rather than honest observations, he says, so asking the right questions is key.
Instead of saying ‘How was my presentation?’ Chamorro-Premuzic recommends putting a finer point on your query.
“The way to ask is, what could I have done better? What could I have done differently? What would you have done differently in my situation?” he says.
It’s crucial to maintain your composure while listening to criticism, Chamorro-Premuzic says: otherwise, you’re unlikely to receive honest feedback again.
“It’s difficult, but if you have the courage to invite negative, constructive, critical feedback, you’re going to close the gap between how good you think you are and how good you actually are,” he says.
2. Social awareness
Being socially savvy can have major benefits for your career, Chamorro-Premuzic says.
When navigating workplace dynamics, a crucial tactic he recommends is to “focus less on yourself” and more on other people.
Being able to identify and respond to others’ feelings is a key component of emotional intelligence, he says. Socially aware people are able to analyze an interpersonal situation and adjust their behavior without seeming phony.
Chamorro-Premuzic calls this skill “strategic self-presentation”: “making an effort to act in a prosocial way and take into account what other people expect.”
Being attuned to others’ feelings and needs will make you stand out from the crowd, he says: “Other people are only thinking about themselves, so if you think about them, you have a big advantage.”
3. Adaptability
It’s tempting to play to your strengths, Chamorro-Premuzic says, but enduring discomfort while learning new skills will help you grow.
A key trait of successful people is that they’re willing to say “I’m going to try to do things differently, or try something else out even if I don’t like it,” he says.
All too often, we view traits like introversion, flexibility or sociability as permanent aspects of our personalities, but that belief can prevent us from developing new skills.
“If you’re limiting your choices and your decisions to your past and present selves, you’re not going to create a future self that is richer, more diverse, broader,” he says.
It may feel “unpleasant and difficult” to leave your comfort zone, Chamorro-Premuzic says, but it will ultimately open up new avenues for your career.
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